….it’s the end… nobody's around… darkness… no light, no shadow… am I dead now… no pain, no feeling… tears flow out… no feeling… am I the only one now… darkness surrounding, like an endless valley… I don't know whether I am falling, or I am floating… no feeling…
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First day
Gloomy day… no sunshine at all… cold wind, cold weather, cold house, and cold carpet… I couldn’t stop asking god… why? Why am I so weary? Why am I so reckless? All the time, I’ve been preparing myself to face this… ever since I knew that something was wrong inside me, I tried to think of the worst, but why when it came to night time, when everything around suddenly got darken, when every single light was off from this empty space, everything that I’ve built up in me started to fall apart… I always wished for an angel, an angel to look after me… but then, who knew, the angel was a lie… everything he told was nice, nothing bad, nothing… deep down, I know… everything is bad… getting worse…
Second day
It’s the day, I was suppose to have it today… Never thought it’s so hard to wait… it’s the moment of waiting, when all bad thoughts come into mind… what if I died? What if suddenly he missed it? What if… all things started to turn around me… I couldn’t breathe… help…
Then, she showed up… she was so beautiful, but why did I feel fear?
Why did I feel coldness in my heart? Why was that when I saw her, I felt no joy…
Her feathers were black, glowing, not eerie, just sad… Her eyes were like pearls, but so deep, I couldn’t see the sparkle… Her eyeshade was red, not bloody, more like she had just cried… Her outfit was black… silky, no folds, so smooth, but I didn’t feel like touching it…
…Hei... she said… I can’t move. 'How are you? Why are you so scared…'
'…I have no idea what’s gonna happen on me…'
'Where’s your chain? The one she gave you?…'
Silence… I knew what she’s talking about.. but I couldn’t answer… It’s no longer with me… I couldn’t find it, I lost it…
We will meet again…' she said…
Third day
It all went out fine yesterday… I was so glad it happened just like what I wished it to be… Maybe for once the angel was right… Everything will be fine… I lied down, watching the sky… Still gloomy, but I felt like I could see the sun above the cloud, shining, warm…
…wow, snow… so light, so beautiful, gracefully, falling down… I looked through the window, thinking… this is the second chance I’ve got, and this is the one chance He gives me again… I’ll live a better way…
'…Think again…' she said… 'Think again…'
I couldn’t see her, but it’s like a whisper, so close… no smiling again…
Forth day
It’s still snowing outside… She was here today, when I woke up… 'You can run, you can’t hide…' she said…
'…Who are you?! Why are you here?!…'
'…I am always here, no matter where you go…' she smirked..
'…Who are you…'
'…I am the angel of death…' she said, calmly, no sympathy, no feeling…
Darkness came again… Coldness came again… light falling apart, hopes faded away… why was a death angel with me if I was given a second chance, a second life…
… you can run, you can’t hide…
Fifth day
Snowing… heavier… But my heart was covered with ice… no warmth… He told me everything was going to be fine… I asked about her, he said he doesn’t know bout her… His eyes blinked… with a shade of guilt inside, with a cover of black curtain blocking out the lights of hope used to be there… I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do…
'…So, I see u found out the truth…' she whispered, beside my ear…
I was frightened, sat up…she’s beside my bed, sitting on the armchair…
Wordless, I just stared her into her eyes…
'…Where is the chain?…' she smirked, knowing my answer…
'… I lost it , ok? Stop appearing like that… I don’t wanna see you again…'
'…lost huh? Now tell me, how did she die? And why?…'
I loved her, I fell for her, I gave her everything… that’s the chain she gave me… the only thing…
'…She died because that jerk cheated her, and she died because she cheated me…' My answer…So calm that I myself was even surprised of it…
'…really?'
She left, but darkness stayed even when she’s gone…
Sixth day
It's midnight... …My head aching, my stomach twirling, like two tornado colliding into each other, but making everything worse instead of compensating each other… Her voice kept repeating in my ears… Really?… …really?…
…Really?…
Then, tears came… so quietly, noone noticed… She came back to me, begged me, told me it was a terrible mistake she made… we were too young, too young to know what’s right and what’s wrong… too young to know what’s love…
I pushed her away… The chain on my arm ringed… anger, hatred… attacked together on me…
I pulled it off me… blood dripped down, my heart tore apart… so was hers…
That night, she was gone… with the wind… she jumped down the street… I could still remember her face, so sad, yet so beautiful…
'…Where is the chain?…' she was there, again…
'… I threw it away, ok?!…' tears flowed down… I told myself not to cry again… I hate myself for being weak…
'…It’s my fault!!…' my heart broke down again… …I wanted her… no matter how hard she hurt me, I love her… if only I’d accepted her, she wouldn’t have died…
the candle glowed in dark, I couldn’t see it… my eyes were blurred, with tears, with guilt…
'… you are free…' she left…
Seventh day
What is the name of darkness? The hatred, the anger that controls us when deep down, we just want to be nice… the headache never faded, doctors running here and there… but I never felt so much peace before… I am dead, but I am free…
Darkness… no light, no shadow… no pain, no feeling… tears flow out… no feeling… am I the only one now… darkness surround… like an endless valley… I dunno whether I am falling, or I am floating… no feeling…
The name is… me… I set it free, I set myself free…
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